marks the continuation of my micro-posting entitled My Pet
Peeves. My intent is to publish one Peeve every Wednesday for your
viewing pleasure. Hopefully you will find these to be true,
recognizable, amusing, and idenifiable. The Pet Peeves listed here
are my opinion and my opinion only.
questions please email me at:
now Ladies and Gentlemen ... My Pet Peeve of the week:
SEARCHES: Ah Ö the Internet. Ya gotta love it. They have the answers to everything. Anyone our there remember a radio show called The Answer Man. He was like the Web, only in human form, and more direct. What color is that planet, you asked The Answer Man. He told you it was purple. Go to the web and ask the same question and what you get is insanity. Here are some answers they give you: The planet is actually about as bright as Uranus is on a clear day in August because it is about 800 million miles away from Pluto. Click this link to read more. It is primarily the color of the frozen lava at midnight because thatís what itís mostly made up of. Click this link to read more. Perceivably, the planet has no visible seas and most of the land areas are dark green. Click this link to read more. It has overall a light terrain that mimics chalk. Click this link to read more. Take a photo of the planet with a good camera lens and then boost the saturation till you bring out the true colors. Click this link to read more. I sigh with sadness. Ask a simple question, they give you everything but that which you want to know. All the above are good. But only after weíre told that the color of the planet is blue. Simplicity and directness, it would appear, has gone the way of the Dodo bird. Helpppp!
TUNED FOR NEXT WEEK'S PET PEEVE
PAST PET PEEVES
2/12/2020:ANSWERING MACHINES: Itís time to call tech support. You dial the number. Good morning. Thank you so much for calling. We really appreciate your call. At the end of this message you will be invited to participate in a short survey. Press one if you want to participate. Press two if you donít want to participate. Press three if weíre annoying the crap out of you. Press four if you want to speak to tech support. And so you press four. Good morning. Thank you so much for calling. We canít tell you how much we appreciate your interest. Press one if youíre a home user. Press two if youíre a business. Press three if weíre annoying the crap out of you. And so you press one. Good morning. Thank you so much for calling. And so you yell out, give me a representative. And someone finally gets on the phone. Gooot moornink. Tank yow so mooch for callinkeh. You canít understand the accent. You barely understand the words. Give me an American, you say. Yes sir. One moment please. Click. Dial tone. And now you have to start over. Remember when we were young and an operator got on the phone and simply said may I help you sir?
2/5/2020:NO CHECKS: You want something. You want to subscribe perhaps. Checks you ask? Oh no. No no no. No checks accepted. No no. That wonít do. Credit cards only. We canít rip you off with checks, you see. But you can cancel anytime with your credit card. You have but to try it. And good luck to ya. Stonehearted? Ruthless? Us? Oh please. Benevolence is our middle name. Oh yes. Itís true. Of course. We would never make canceling difficult for you. Gift cards you say? So sorry. Also no. Well sometimes maybe. When our people are off guard perhaps. I extrapolate here folks as Iíve never paid for subscriptions with a credit card though I have, upon occasion, paid with gift cards. Safer that way. When it comes to renewables, only checks for me you see. This way I can renew whenever I want. Whether they like it or not. As to the credit card only companies? One small word of advice when you see one. Run. Run for your lives before they snag you.
1/29/2020:CORPORATE HONESTY: You ever call to complain? You ordered a this, and they sent you a that which they renamed with the same name as the this. But I bought a that, you say. This is a that, they say. But itís not a that. You start to raise your voice. And he or she goes into his or her spiel. Within his or her first five words you try to interrupt. He or she is not addressing your issue. But you canít. Itís clear. He or she is reading from a script. You have no chance to speak your piece. He or she has no interest in what you have or want to say. I have a real life example. LUMINA. Eye drops from Bausch and Lomb. Comes in two sizes. 2.5 ml and 7.5 ml. I know. I use the stuff. Boxes look exactly the same, except for small print at the bottom. How am I supposed to read that, you ask the operator who is expressing her deep distress over your dilemma while all the while you know she couldnít give a ratís ass if you lived or died. How am I supposed to know how much is in there? Thereís a picture on the carton telling you how much liquid is in the bottle, she tells you. But the bottle is opaque, you tell her. How do I know youíre telling the truth. Oh please sir. We always tell the truth. We, corporate America, never practice deception. Never you hear. Never! Never! Never!
FOR DUMMIES: I
bought one the other day because I was unable to find--at the
moment that I needed it-- a different publisher on the topic I
wanted. I did find one later. There's much to be said about the
perils of impatience. That aside, perhaps it would have been better
if they called it Books For First Class Schmucks. I have trouble
imagining a world that identifies itself with those titles. Yeah
yeah. Gimme one. I'm an idiot. Here. Certification from the state
avowing to my stupidity. Ta rah rah boom dee yay, I'm just a putz
today . . .
Microsoft, it has been said, is going to place a notice on all
computers using windows 7, on Janaury 15, whether you want it or not,
reminding, urging, even threatening one and all to upgrade to windows
10 or buy a new computer that uses windows 10, the hell with whether
or not you either want or can afford to do so. Never mind the fact
that about 42% of users are still using windows 7 and some are still
using XP. What a financial landfall for Microsoft. Of course, there
is no easy remedy. I, for one, would NEVER, EVER, urge one and all,
numbering I presume to be the millions, to inundate Microsoft with
emails and texts and chats protesting their invasive actions, for
that would be barging into their space much as they barge into yours.
So be told. Do NOT text. Do NOT email. Do NOT inundate their chats.
Do NOT give them back what they gave you. That would not be fair.
Would it? Or would it?
INITIALS. The world, in my mind, has gone mad. Are they conserving on
using letters of the alphabet to spell out whole words? Are they
worried that eventually the allotted usage of letters will run out
and they will then no long be able to write another sentence? They
tell you nothing. They know, so they expect you to know too. The LMN
of the QRS is lying dormant upon a TUV as the WTH writes his script
on an XYZ form. Are they kidding? I need an Initial Dictionary to
figure out what the hell those idiots are saying!